One of the worst things that can happen to you is being crying at night and thinking "what happened to that person who used to smile no matter what, and who wouldn't cry this often?"
You start looking for the causes of the disappearance of your old self. And you just don't find one specific reason, there are too many to actually count them, too many disappointments in the last few years, too much damage done to your heart and to your mind. You've messed up things more than once, you haven't gone out for a year making up excuses so that none of your friends knew what was really going on. You've lost people, and you've had them back sooner than you thought (luckily). You've felt alone and sad, even in the moments you were texting your best friends.
You've been trying for almost a year. You've been trying to make your way back to your old self. You've never been afraid of losing yourself. But suddenly you realize that you've lost yourself. There is no way back to your old self. You have to live your life with your own problems. Battling them. Keeping them apart from your life, and keep going. You'd do anything to find that way back. To that old you that didn't care about what other people thought about her, which size she was and to the old you that didn't cry as often as the actual you.
Lucky for you, you've also realized you still have the same dreams. The same favorite songs, the same friends, and some new ones that are the best thing that's ever happened to you. You still play guitar, you've learnt how to play piano and the ukelele. You've learnt new songs. You've met amazing people. You've grown up. You're different, you're stronger, you were so weak, and now only one thing can bring you down. You can control your feelings, you have fallen a thousand times, but after all, you're still standing up, living your life and trying to achieve your goals.
Keep going. It's worth the battle. You're worth it.